There are no guarantees for any of us, no matter what school we did or didn't attend. I know excellent professional musicians who went to both XXX School and XXX Conservatory, and I know at least one bass trombonist who went to Curtis who doesn't work in music at all anymore. There are players in major orchestras who didn't go to any of the big name music schools.
The only factor that matters is you. What standards do you hold yourself to? Do you take steps every day to improve, even just a tiny bit?
Also, there are many paths to success and fulfillment for a life in and with music, and there are many versions of what success and fulfillment look like. Many of my colleagues and I enjoy our careers and have stable, happy lives without "the big job." Instead, we have multiple jobs, and sometimes those jobs come and go. I make more money some years than others, but I always pay my mortgage.
If the anxiety you are feeling is keeping you from taking positive action, then I would urge you to talk to a professional counselor. While you are in school there are resources available to you that are harder to pay for when you are out of school, so I would encourage you to take advantage of them.
My best advice to you is to make sure to do good things for yourself every day. That means eating well, sleeping well, and taking action towards your goals - every day.
And further...
XXX brings up a good thought about "impostor syndrome."
Want to know the truth? EVERYBODY has that sometimes. I've read notes from a masterclass with Ian Bousfield in which he talked about feeling that way often, even after he was principal trombone of the Vienna Philharmonic!
Everybody has bad days too. I've been in the same room as Joe Alessi while he was having very poor response in the low register - onstage, with a pianist, in a masterclass in front of a room full of music students. He didn't say anything, but it was obvious that he was furious with himself. I happened to switch on a NY Phil TV broadcast once at the very moment when Phil Smith laid down a huge clam on the last fanfare entrance of Tchaikovsky 4th.
Do I think any less of them for it? Not in the least. I take it as encouragement. It means that I'm not a failure if I miss a note or make a mental mistake in a concert. How many things did I do well before and after the mistake?
We are brass players; there are more physical variables for us than for any other instruments, so perfect performances don't really exist for us. It's our job to make a split note, a less-than-centered sound in a big leap, a small error of timing not matter, because of the great music we make around them. The other side of our fallibility is that we are capable of the biggest drama...IF we are willing to commit to the moment without hesitation or second-guessing.
The more bold statements you make, the more your body and mind will get used to what you are asking of them.
I went to a fantastic masterclass a couple of weeks ago by Sam Pilafian. A few nuggets of wisdom related to these subjects:
Bernstein: no rules in music. Say yes to everything that comes up and you can go far.
Go towards growth.
When you keep high standards, good things happen along the way.
You radiate what you're feeling. Get to having fun.
